Wedding Gifts Etiquette – Planning your Beach Wedding Series

Welcome to our video series of the top 20 questions brides ask when planning their wedding.  I get a lot of questions about the etiquette of wedding gifts.  “How do I tell my guests I want money instead of a gift?” or “How do I tell my guests we don’t want any gifts at all?”  or “How do we tell those we haven’t invited to the wedding that we would prefer a gift of money?”  These are all common questions I get about wedding gifts.

Read along with the transcript below:

The rules of etiquette regarding thank you notes is as clearly defined as the gift giving process.  You never tell someone you exchanged their gift for something else.  What you do is thank them for their gift.

How do you thank them?  You write a hand written thank you note.  No other method is acceptable.

What do you say in the thank you note?  You start by identifying whom you are sending the note to by stating their name.  Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones, or Dear Uncle Jim and Aunt Sally.

Next, you identify the gift, express gratitude from the two of you, and show how it is used or how it will be used.  Be personal.  “The crystal vase you gave us is absolutely beautiful, and Phil and I are excited that it completes our crystal set perfectly.  It is sitting on the dining room table as I write, filled with flowers that Phil brought home for me yesterday.”

If it was a gift of money, you NEVER mention that in the thank you note.  Instead you use phrases like:  your generosity, or your kindness.  For example:  “Thank you for your generosity.  Phil and I really appreciate it.”  AND you follow the rule to show how it will be used.  “It will be a great help when we purchase our new home.”  DO NOT say you will use it to pay off your bills—even if you are.  It is in bad taste.

Identify your past and future relationship with the giver. “Mom tells me that you just came back from Australia.  I hope we can meet soon to visit and share stories about your trip.”

End with another Thank you, and sign off.  “Thanks again for the beautiful vase.”  Love, Leslie.  You can use “Yours truly” or any other phrase that feels natural to you.

If the groom is writing the note, he will follow the same rules in writing the note, and then sign it.

The key element is to be genuine in your thankfulness.  Be personal.  Be gracious and thankful.  Thank you notes should be written and sent as you receive your wedding gifts.  All thank you notes should be sent within three months of your wedding day.

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.