Welcome to our video series of the top 20 questions brides ask when planning their wedding.  I get a lot of questions about the bridal party.

Read the text below along with the video if you prefer:

The biggest problem couples face when putting their wedding party together is the expectations of family and friends.  Hurt feelings, angry words, and unrealistic expectations are all common problems.

If family is being unreasonable, it is up to you to be the mature one.  You will live with your family for the rest of your life, and you really don’t want hard feelings carrying on for years.  It’s not fair to you or your partner to create problems with the family.  Sometimes you need to make a choice for the sake of peace in the family.  It’s only one day, after all.

Only you can make that decision, but think it over carefully.  Be mature, be reasonable, be gracious.

Some brides and grooms think that the bridesmaids must come from the brides family and friends, and the groomsmen come from the grooms family and friends.  This is not so.

It is common to have immediate family members (brothers and sisters) take part in the wedding, and the bridal party is the most common place to include them.  It is acceptable to have the bride’s brother as a groomsmen, or a grooms sister as a maid of honor.  Sometimes the bride wants her friends in the bridal party, and not the groom’s sister, so you might find some other task for her—like doing the readings at the ceremony, or some other special task.

Another common problem that occurs is that the bride and groom have chosen someone to be in their wedding party who is not available to carry out their traditional duties.  Maybe their work takes them out of town a lot, or they live in another city.  I suggest, in this type of case, to include them as a bridesmaid or groomsmen, but NOT as the Maid of Honor or Best Man.  The MOH and Best Man have a lot of responsibility and need to be available to the bride and groom.

One question I often get is:  is it ok to have an uneven number of bridesmaids and bestmen?  The answer is yes.  Usually the bride has more friends she wants in the bridal party than the groom does.  This is OK.  It is also becoming more common to have a male bridesmaid or a female groomsmen.  Although, not traditional, these are all acceptable modern choices.

Good luck, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.